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Thoughts on a Federal Criminal Charge

"The bottom line is, if you are charged with a federal crime, you are probably going to go to prison. If you have been charged with a federal crime your first thought should not be whether you are going to go to trial to prove your innocence. And if you are guilty you certainly should not risk going to trial. Your first thought should be how to keep your prison sentence to the absolute minimum. Leave the question of guilt or innocence to the academics. Make sure your sentence is short enough so you can pick up the pieces when you are released."

If a thief knows ebay exists . . .

. . . police probably will as well.

Make up your mind

Sending an email confessing to a murder would seem to indicate you want to come clean. On the other hand, fleeing to Iowa . . .

If they accidently let you out of prison early . . .

. . . you probably shouldn't go on a crime spree.

The Mistake that Keeps on Giving

It may not take long to get that tattoo on you neck, with your identification information, but it will be around every time you steal something in front of a camera.

Earning a One Way Ticket on the Down Elevator

Stealing a minister's car during the service.